Written By: Fortune Aganbi

Wow!

I cannot believe that in a few days, we will be saying Goodbye to 2022 forever! What a year it has been. 2022 meant different things for many of us. For some, it was the best year of our lives yet; for others, it was the worst. However you feel about 2022, it doesn’t change the fact that it is coming to an end soon. We will never experience it again. And this is why I have written this blog. You may have needed to sit down to properly reflect on how the year has treated you. I hope that you will relate to parts of this blog, and the words that resonate most with you will help you put things into perspective and create a better mindset for the coming year.

Yeah, I know the idea of years, months, and weeks are a human construct, but it does not invalidate how time has been fractioned to help make our lives easier. January 1st may be ‘just another day,’ but it is NOT ‘just another day.’ It is the beginning of another journey. It is a fresh start. And I hope this blog helps you prepare for your fresh start.

To The Ones Whose Tears Soaked That Their Sheets at Night.

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I am so sorry. Growing up, I used to think that crying was a sign of weakness, a show of defeat. But as an adult who has cried silently numerous times, with catarrh dripping down my nose and my eyes red like wine, I know better. Crying is an appropriate and healthy response to pain. That is why you are human, after all. I am so sorry for whatever made you stay up at night crying your eyes out. This world is unfair, and we sometimes wish that we wore better shoes, but we can only control that which is within our limits. 2022 may have been the year you cried the hardest and wished the pain would stop – yet it didn’t. In a few days, we would be leaving all that behind. While I am not in the best position to predict the future, I am confident of one thing: bad times do not last a lifetime. They come and go, including pain. As we enter the new year, you must be intentional about your healing. You have cried enough, my dear. You have reacted as you should. Now it is time to start afresh. If there is a solution to what caused you to cry this year, go harder next year to get it. And if your eyes have lurked around and you know deep within you that there is absolutely nothing you can do about the situation, baby, it is time to accept it. There is relief in acceptance. It cures you of an unnecessary burden. You are more at peace. Next year, be intentional about your healing: fewer tears, more laughter, and more stability. I wish you all the best.

To The Ones Whose Hearts Were Broken This Year.

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For The Dumpees: Love, they say, is a beautiful thing. But you do not believe that anymore. How could you still retain faith in love when the person you loved with every atom of genuineness in you broke you to pieces? You did not even see it coming. When the year started, you had hoped to end it with the love of your life. But here you are, single and heartbroken and hopeless. Some heartbreaks are more brutal than others and I do not know how your breakfast was served. Maybe they cheated. Perhaps they fell out of love. Maybe it was incompatibility. Maybe it was domestic abuse. Perhaps it was unrequited love. Maybe it was you and not them. At this point, the kind of plate with which you were served does not matter anymore. And I will not tell you to move on because I cannot comprehend the weight of your pain. Nevertheless, I can join you in mourning the loss of what could have been. I can help you to process the hurt. You, my friend, can use this heart-wrenching pain you are feeling as your biggest motivation. Pain is a great motivator because you are prepared to do anything to make it stop. While you process your feelings of anger, denial, and even acceptance, you should ask yourself one question: Is this how I want to be forever? Is this how I want to hurt next year? You already know the answer. So you must begin to take small steps. You must be selfish at this point and put yourself first. Be very selfish. Implement NO CONTACT. As you enter the new year, ensure you are not carrying any baggage with you. Wipe off everything that reminds you of them. For every day you fight the urge to reach out to them, reward yourself. I will definitely not lie to you and say they lost an angel. No. It was both your losses. As you enter the new year, sit your ass down and critically evaluate yourself. Are there toxic habits you need to drop? Drop them! It is always easier to blame the other person, but we must take accountability for our role in our own hurt. After all, it was you who chose to date them. If you were dumped because you were a toxic and violent person, this should be a wake-up call for you. It is not too late to change and be a better partner. You are not perfect. Work on yourself. And no matter what, EAT FOOD, my dear. And focus on making money. Heartbreak is easier managed when your bank account is loaded, and you are sipping wine in the Bahamas with premium tears rolling down your eyes. Lol! I hope this takes you one step closer to your healing. I love you.

For The Dumpers: Most people who have been dumped have also dumped other people at some point in their lives. You have had your heart broken, and you have paid the pain forward by breaking a few hearts yourself. So I get it. I have broken a few hearts myself; trust me, it is not something I find joy in because I understand the consequences of my decisions. The pain they felt and how it changed them. And ultimately, how I became the villain in their stories. So if you were the dumper this year, be assured you are a villain in someone’s story. Dumpers are often misunderstood, and I say this from a neutral position. Sometimes putting yourself first and working on yourself includes letting go of someone whose values do not align with yours. They may not see it, but you do. And you may feel guilty for a while because you have hurt them, but some things, my dear, are not just meant to be. Every love story starts like a fairytale. It is beautiful. But it is only time that reveals. And with time, you may realize they are not what you need. This is valid. I mean, there was no way you could have known this at the beginning, yeah?

Except if you are a playboy/playgirl/narcist who derives joy in causing innocent people pain for no reason, then you should be kinder to yourself. Suppose you enjoy breaking people’s hearts, kpele oo. Well done. Your eyes go soon see shege no worry. Going into the new year, you must ensure you are not rushing into anything. That it feels good initially does not guarantee it will be good in the long run. Bide your time. And please, for heaven’s sake, when you dump a person, LET THEM BE. If they want no contact with you, respect that. They are not immature. They deserve to heal appropriately. Let them go.

To The Ones Who Lost Loved Ones to Death

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There were so many unexpected deaths this year. Oh my God! At some point, I found myself asking what was happening. I am so sorry if you lost a loved one to death this year. I know this does not change anything, and you have been told the pain heals with time. But I have tasted grief, and I know it never goes away. It is always lurking around, looking for an opportunity to wrench your gut and make you choke on your spit. The minor things remind you of them. The unnecessary stuff digs up layers of memories. And you wish – you are always wishing that they did not die. You hope they will show up at your doorstep tomorrow and tell you they have only been on a long journey. Death is a startling reality. We are all escorting each other home, and we will all die. But why are we punished with the agony of seeing our loved ones go before us? I cannot even explain it. I cannot comprehend. And it is easy to become angrier when you think about it, to lose faith in everything you believe. So I will not promise you that the grief will improve because that is not my place. But I promise you will learn to live with it. 

You must adapt to it and starve it of attention. You must carry on.  As the year draws to an end, make the mourning lesser. Let the tears be fewer. In 2023, you must think of what they would rather have you do in their absence and do them. For their sake, you must tug at healing with every strength. You must fight to see clearly and keep your feet on solid ground. Because even if you decide to do the opposite, to wallow in self-pity, wrath, and resentment, it would never bring them back. They are gone. Forever. 

You. Cannot. Change. That. 

Knowing that no matter what actions you take, they are not going to come back, you must focus on taking positive steps. You must learn to live and live truly until it is your turn to go. You must be a good person. You must learn to be happy without hurting others. You must learn to be unafraid, accept changes, and grow. I pray you continue to find the strength to process the loss and the mandatory motivation to live on. Drop the baggage this year. See you in 2023. I love you from my heart, and I wish you healing.

To The Ones Who Experienced Financial Losses This Year.

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Omo. It is one thing to lose money. But it is an entirely different thing to lose money in Nigeria! Living in a country that is constantly bent on frustrating you and still losing money?! Ah! Omo. I can relate sha. Last year I made a terrible investment and promised myself I would never lose money again. Lmao! As a natural financial risk taker, I still went ahead this year to invest in one or two, and I lost moneyyyyyyy. So, yes, I can relate to your anger. You just want this year to getat abeg! Life is so hard already. The least we can hope for is to be fruitful in our dealings. But this life ehn!

Relax a bit if you lost your job this year and are still roaming around, thinking of what direction to follow. In my young experience, hard times often don’t last. I am not kidding. As long as you consistently do your part and leave no stones unturned, then, my dear, the big break will happen. This is not to raise false hopes. I have seen it happen again and again. To people I know. It may come from a different direction than you expected, but it will come eventually. If you had a bad business year, you have two options: give up and try something different next year, or go harder next year. Whichever you choose is fine. Just make sure you are not deceiving yourself.

Running a business is no walk in the park. It is challenging. Courier services will frustrate you. Suppliers will drive you mad. Customers nkor? Those just want you to deliver. It takes work. I hope you evaluate your business choices this year in the coming days, so you know what areas to improve next year. You are doing well, trust me. It takes work. If you invested so much money into a business idea this year and you cannot account for even 1 naira as you read this, I am sorry for your loss. Find the root of the problem and tackle it. If is not working, move on to the next thing! It will get better.

To the ones who were scammed (one of my friends included), I know you have beaten yourself too hard about it. It still hurts you that you were gullible. How could you not possibly see it coming? I just want you to take it easy. What is gone is gone. You must now take the lessons you have learned and apply them going forward—cheers to making more money next year. We must go harder. But more importantly, we must work smarter. 2023 will be a good year. Do your part.

To The Ones Who Are Not Often Celebrated

Photo Credit: The Guardian

This one is for the underdogs. The ones who just strive to survive each day. They do not want much from life. They just want enough to eat and feed their families, enough to clothe themselves and their loved ones, and enough to have shelter over their heads. The ones who went through this year solely based on luck, cruise, and inshallah. The ones sleeping under the bridge, those in the night cold under the market sheds, the ones who hawk along the streets day and night and sometimes get hit by a car or two. The ones who toil to be seen. To those who are not often celebrated, know that I applaud you if you happen upon this blog.

I celebrate how you survived this year. It is not easy. At all. I hope that 2023 is kinder to you and all that is yours. I hope you climb a little higher on the ladder of life. I hope you have a taste, even if once, of the good things in life. I do celebrate you. The reality is that dreams that live within you are crushed. Some of these crushed dreams you will die with. But that is okay. Just ensure that whenever you are called upon from the yonder, you will search yourself and say, ‘I DID MY BEST.’ Whether it was enough is beyond you. Do your best. No excuse. No room for regrets when the sun sets. I celebrate you, and I cannot wait to see how you will navigate next year. Who knows? Your big miracle might just be next year. Keep your head above water, Please.

To Everyone Else.

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See you next year. Cheers to the lives we will live, the joys we will enjoy, the pains we will overcome, and the money we will make. May good health be our companion always. Negativity is a part of life; next year, everyone will have their fair share. If you are battling a health issue, mental breakdown, or depression, I pray that you find the strength and wisdom to navigate it. My prayer is that the positive experiences outweigh the negative ones. May the good times help us forget the bad times. May we be unafraid to live our best lives. And no matter how hard this year dealt with you, try to end it positively. Overwhelm yourself with gratitude, especially for the small things. Wallow in love and peace. We suffer more in our imagination than in reality sometimes. So ensure that whatever is sucking your peace of mind is worth it, so you do not waste time on artificially created problems. Protect your space and energy at all costs—Weaponise silence. Define boundaries. Make accessibility narrower. Avoid see finish. Be private when necessary. Blow your trumpets when necessary. Be bold about wins and successes. Clear your conscience of hate and envy. Rejoice for those who rejoice. Seek help when necessary. 

Lastly, DO YOU. Live your life on your terms as long as you are prepared to own accountability for the benefits and consequences. Live your life oooooooooo. Tomorrow is not promised. LIVE YOUR LIFE!

I love everyone. I love you.

At this junction, I must draw the curtain.

Goodbye, 2022. See you all in 2023.

Yours Now and Always,

Fortune Aganbi.